The Cabbage Patch

The Cabbage Patch is dead! Long live The Cabbage Patch!

2006-01-28T23:30:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

We have moved!

That's right, The Cabbage Patch has found a new home, over on the Wordpress.com service.

What does this mean for you? Well, not very much. All you have to do is update your bookmarks to the new address, and Bob's-your-uncle, you're done.

What does this mean for me? A whole lot. Wordpress is a much more powerful system, meaning I can bring you a better Patch than ever before, in a much easier and more timely fashion. Rejoice!

So what's the new address? Good question. It's http://orriblecabbage.wordpress.com/

Simple, huh?

And in case you're wondering, all the old posts and comments have been moved to the new address. Some of them turned out a little mangled, but we can't have everything now, can we?

See you at the new site.

So cute, I couldn't resist.

2006-01-28T15:45:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Bugs is an orisinal game which, as those of you who follow such things would know, means two things. One, it's simple. And two, it's beautifully made.

In this one, you play as a little girl jumping around some bugs. The aim is to scare as many of them away without actually killing them. Fun, simple, and far too cute.

I feel less of a man already.

Categories: Games

Why, Australia? Why?

2006-01-26T19:26:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

The Triple J Hottest 100 has just been announced, and I hate to say it Australia, but I'm disappointed in you.

Of all the local and international acts that released songs last year, it was Bernard Fanning that you liked the most? Sure, Powderfinger (his real band) are great, but on his own Bernard Fanning is no more than a slightly-better-in-tune Ben Lee!

And speaking of Ben Lee, he was your second choice!? My, my. What has this country come to?

I must admit, however, that the remainder of the list was much better. I was especially pleased at the six (yes, six) Wolfmother songs that made it through.

For those of you who don't know, the Triple J Hottest 100 is the world's biggest listener-voted music poll. Around 600,000 people from around the world voted for their favourite songs from the past year, and the top 100 were compiled and announced live today on Triple J.

The Top Ten were:

10. Do You Want To - Franz Ferdinand
9. Joker & The Thief - Wolfmother
8. O Yeah - End Of Fashion
7. My Doorbell - White Stripes
6. Mind's Eye - Wolfmother
5. Dare - Gorillaz
4. Best Of You - Foo Fighters
3. Feel Good Inc. - Gorillaz
2. Catch My Disease - Ben Lee
1. Wish You Well - Bernard Fanning

The rest of the list, along with photos and various other things can be found here.

Categories: Music

Scorpion Queen finds King

2006-01-26T15:35:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

This is a bizarre article if ever I've seen one.

Scorpion Queen finds King

January 26, 2006 - 12:24PM

Thailand's "Scorpion Queen" and "Centipede King" will tie the knot on Valentine's Day and then consummate their nuptials in a coffin, organisers of the wedding said.

Kanjana Kaetkeow, 36, who entered the Guinness Book of World Records in 2002 for spending 32 days in a glass cube with 3,400 scorpions, has agreed to marry Montri Siangwong, 29, a 2003 Guinness record holder for spending 28 days with 1,000 centipedes, said Somporn Naksuetrong, general manager of Ripley's World of Entertainment in Pattaya.

"The couple met and fell in love when they were touring together after winning their Guinness records," Somporn said.

The couple will marry in Pattaya, 90km east of Bangkok, on February 14. Eight other "special couples" have been selected to participate in the necronuptials, pursuing the theme Till Death Do Us Part.

Kanajan and Montri, at least, have spent creepier nights with less attractive bed partners, organisers noted.

Original article here.

Categories: Funny, News Articles

Chimpanzeethat, it's Ricky Gervais!

2006-01-21T17:20:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

You probably know him from The Office or Extras (which Australia will hopefully be getting shortly on the ABC), but many of you may not know that Ricky Gervais also has "the world's number one podcast".

It's a weekly radio show hosted by Gervais, Steve Merchant (the other mastermind behind The Office), and Karl Pilkington (simultaneously the stupidest and funniest man alive).

The episodes can be downloaded directly from the website or by subscribing to the podcast. Full info is here.

Unfortunately the first few episodes are no longer available, but what is there is incredibly funny.

Categories: Audio, Funny

"The best thing about New York? The smell of urine in the morning."

2006-01-21T15:46:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Ever wanted to visit New York City? Well now you can. Through your computer. Sort of.

Virtual NYC Tour is just what it claims, a virtual tour of New York City. Using a system of panoramic-style photos and an interactive map you can explore many of the different areas of New York as if you were there.

Only without the smell of urine.

---
Title taken from I Love N. Y. by Lazyboy.

Categories: Cool, Pictures

Never underestimate little old ladies.

2006-01-17T15:15:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

This video is fairly self-explanatory, especially when you consider it's titled "Old Lady Pwns Mercedes Guy".

Categories: Funny, Videos

You'll never find a Kreta game!

2006-01-17T15:07:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Sorry about the long unexplained absence. First there was Christmas, then New Year, then I went away on holiday. Sorry. But I'm back now, and the world is good again.

For my first post of the new year, I give you a fun little maze game. This one is called Kreta (thus the appalling pun in the title) and is set in the Ancient Greek Minotaur's Maze. It's quite complicated to explain, so make sure to read all the info within the game.

Categories: Games

Merry Christmas and a happy explosion.

2005-12-24T12:18:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

It's nearly Christmas time! *Yay!*

And so, on this day, the Eve of Christmas, I bestow upon the world the grand gift that is Christmas Attack!

Categories: Games

Let's start a war. Start a nuclear war.

2005-12-22T11:55:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Ever wondered what it would be like to see George Bush and Tony Blair sing Electric Six's song Gay Bar? Well wonder no more!

Categories: Funny, Videos

The [portable] Cabbage Patch

2005-12-21T15:31:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Yesterday, I got a Sony PSP. For free.

There are only three things I would like to say about the PSP:

It's great.
It's great.
You cannot begin to imagine the greatness of it.

This thing is absolutely amazing. The games are PS2 standard, the video is akin to DVD quality, and you can surf the web on it (as long as you are within range of a wireless network).

Here are a couple of photos of this very website as viewed on the fantastic screen of the PSP (oooohhhh.... postmodern self-reflexivity, what will he think of next?). Marvel and be awed by the uber geek-chic.

Categories: Pictures

For when you have that urge to throw a giant pencil.

2005-12-19T18:35:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Ever dreamt you were a robot throwing a giant, rocket-powered pencil? I certainly know I have, and that's why I love Throwing Pencil!

The game is in Korean (or Japanese, or Chinese, or Klingon for all I know), but I've managed to decipher the (very simple) controls:

Click the second button from the top to begin.
Press "space" on your keyboard when the little coloured bar in the corner reaches the top.
Press "space" again when the bar reaches the red line.
The robot will start running. Press and hold "space" when he reaches the yellow finish line.
Press "space" repeatedly to propel the pencil through the air.

Make sense? It's really not that hard, and actually addictively fun.

Because I like a little friendly competition, as of this writing my best score is 681,000. Beat that.

Categories: Games

Don't care who you are, or what you do.

2005-12-13T10:01:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Somewhere, in a university in China, two boys are confusing their Counter-Strike playing dorm-mate by miming Backstreet Boys songs into a camera behind him. They then dub the song onto the video, and become The Back Dormitory Boys!

They have recorded many pop video clips this way, and have become quite famous the world over (they are currently promoting mobile phones for Motorola China), all the while unbeknownst to their computer obsessed friend in the background.

Here is one clip of them, doing the Backstreet Boys' classic, As Long As You Love Me.

More of their videos, and some further information, can be found here.

Categories: Videos, Funny

You killed 'Orrible Cabbage! You bastard!

2005-12-11T13:14:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

More make-it-yourself fun today, with South Park Studio. This site allows you to make a South Park version of yourself (or anyone else, for that matter).

Unfortunately, the only way to save the picture you make is to take a screenshot and save it in another program (press Print Screen on your keyboard, then "Paste" into Paint, Photoshop, Word, etc).

So if you can, upload them somewhere (Flickr, perhaps, or Imageshack) and put the link in the comments so we can all see.

UPDATE (15/12/05): Here is reader Tom's self portrait.

Categories: Pictures, Funny

Come on kids, it's crafts time! Get out your Clag paste!

2005-12-10T16:09:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I've been making things. And now you can too! (yay!)

With this site full of fun tools, you too can be an artist. It integrates with Flickr (a photo site I have mentioned here before) or you can upload your photos independently to work on them.

This site will allow you to make motivational postcards:

Magazine covers:

Or billboards:

And much more.

Please go create your own and I'll share them with the world. The easiest thing to do would be to create a Flickr account, add me as a contact and then I can link directly to the photos here. Otherwise, email me your creations, or upload them to wherever you want and provide a link in the comments. Have fun.

Categories: Pictures, Funny

More brain melting.

2005-12-08T09:56:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

As a follow-up to yesterday's post of the A and B optical illusion, I have another.

This one was sent in a while back by reader James, and it's one I hadn't seen before (which is saying something).

*Hint, if all you can see is Chinese, pull the corners of your eyes down.

Categories: Pictures, Funny

This post designed solely to mess with your mind.

2005-12-07T19:49:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I have seen this before, and I believe I may have posted it before also (although I can't find it), but reader Oskar requested that I post it, so here it is.

Categories: Pictures

If only they were doughnuts... mmm... doughnuts...

2005-12-05T15:38:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Ringmania is a simple game where you match different coloured rings which fly in from 360 degrees. It's very much like the TriplePop game on some Nokia mobile phones.

Categories: Games

Apologies and all the rest.

2005-12-02T11:19:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I haven't posted in a while, as I'm sure some of you have noticed.

I was away for a week, and whilst yes, I have been back for a few days now, I still haven't got it together enough to post properly yet. I'm sorry to the thousands of you who depend on my holy writ to get them through their day.

Things will get back to normal again shortly, and I have many more interesting links and posts waiting.

NB. Tomorrow is the day of the amazing Homebake Festival in Sydney, to which I am going. This means that there may not be too many posts between now and Monday (by which time I am hoping to have recovered).

Categories: Site News

What is that appalling racket you're listening to?

2005-12-02T11:01:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

**This post is intended to be linked to and looked at at later times, as it should update itself dynamically. Please ignore it as part of the general flow of sequential posts.**

Want to know what music I listen to? Probably not. But I'm going to show you anyway, just because I can.

Here is a complete listing of my music collection.

And here are some dynamically updated charts based on my listening habits, provided by Last.fm.

My most-listened-to artists this week:

My most-listened-to tracks this week:

My most-listened-to artists of all time:

My most-listened-to tracks of all time:

And finally, my Last.fm music profile.

Categories: Music

See now that's just wrong.

2005-11-09T15:46:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

A US man is suing his ex-girlfriend in for more than $40,600 for supergluing his genitals to his abdomen.

Kenneth Slaby of Greensburg, Pennsylvania, broke up with Gail O'Toole in 1999, after dating for 10 months.

Slaby then began dating someone else but, according to the lawsuit, O'Toole invited him over to her home on May 7, 2000, where he fell asleep.

When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had glued his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

Let me repeat that.

When he woke up, Slaby found that O'Toole had glued his genitals to his abdomen, glued his buttocks together and spelled out a profanity on his back in nail polish.

The worst part is, he then had to

walk almost 2 kilometres to a petrol station to call for help.

Full article here.

Categories: Funny, News Articles

Let's get political! Political!

2005-11-09T14:48:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

This is a clip from The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It features a very well put together interview between George "let's fry 'em all" Bush as Governor of Texas, and George "let's blow 'em all up" Bush as President of the USA.

I think this may be a couple of years old, but I still find it hilariously funny.

Categories: Videos, Funny

Never go hungry again!

2005-11-09T13:24:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I have no idea how this trick is done, but it's absolutely amazing.

Categories: Videos

If only something like this could happen during one of the boring HSC exams.

2005-11-05T16:06:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Prangstgrüp are a group of college students in America who perform pranks around their college campus and film them for the world to laugh at. And laugh-worthy they are.

This one is one of my favourites, where a student turns the quiet and musty library into the stage for a Broadway musical. Very funny.

This one is similar, but set in a lecture theatre.

You can find the rest of their hilarious videos here (click on "Video Archive").

Categories: Videos, Funny

Who would have thought pop music and mime went so well together?

2005-11-04T15:57:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

This is a video sent in by Max. It features a mime, and the music of Natalie Imbruglia - two things I never expected to be posting, let alone together. It is, however, really quite hilarious.

Now excuse me while I go bang my head against a wall... I have to get that damn song out of it.

*Note: Somehow, this site won't let me take a screenshot of the video so I can post a picture link the way I like to. I don't know how they did it, but they seem to have thwarted me... for now.

Categories: Videos, Funny

Good things come to those who wait.

2005-11-01T18:52:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I found this ad a couple of weeks ago, and I believe it is the same one sent in to me by reader Max also (but I don't know, because I still haven't been able to get his link to work - sorry Max). The ad is for Guinness Beer and it is quite funny, and very well made.

You will need QuickTime to view.

Categories: Videos, Funny

It's like crack, only with numbers.

2005-10-29T19:38:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I like Sudoku puzzles. Lots. So here's a website with heaps of them. They offer Easy, Medium, Hard, and Evil (my favourite) and there are quite literally billions of them.

Categories: Games

What do you want to see more of?

2005-10-29T17:25:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Go vote in this poll over on the forums and tell me what you would like to see more of on The Patch.

Categories: Site News, Feedback, Forums

Forums! YAY!

2005-10-29T14:36:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have created some official Cabbage Patch Forums! Check 'em out!

You may post suggestions for the site straight into the forums and discuss them. There is also a General Chat forum for all your witty banter (I have a suspicion this will be the most popular section).

Please, however, READ THIS FIRST!

Categories: Site News, Forums

The Drop Bears

2005-10-28T17:12:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I should have posted this days ago, but I didn't. Sorry.

The Drop Bears is the website dedicated to Sydney band, The Drop Bears (previously The Unnamed Band, and soon to be something else, I imagine).

This affiliate site (I'll call them an affiliate whether they like it or not) is run by some regular readers of The Patch and they link to me so now I'm linking to them. Go check 'em out, if only for Tom's angry ranting.

Categories: Affiliates, Funny

Now it's even easier to find all that stuff you didn't want to see anyway!

2005-10-28T15:40:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have made another little update to the site. Now now, don't get all excited, it's only a little one.

I have implemented a sort of "categories" system into the posts, so that it'll be easier to find posts about certain topics (games, movies, funny, news, etc...). Along the bottom of every new post from here on, there will be a list of categories that the post fits into. Clicking any of those category links will take you to a search page with all the posts that fit into that category. Easy.

I have also added a Category list over on the sidebar that will grow as more categories are added.

Unfortunately, the categories will only apply to new posts (partly because of the way it works, partly because I am too lazy to back-edit all my old posts), and old, uncategorised posts will likely appear in the search pages until the system sorts itself out. But that's not a big deal now, is it? Thought not.

Categories: Site News

Geekin' It Up with The 'Orrible Cabbage #1: Protecting Your Computer.

2005-10-26T16:28:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Welcome to the first edition of Geekin' It Up with The 'Orrible Cabbage! This will be a semi-regular feature (ie, whenever I feel like writing one) about various "geek" issues that I might think you need to know.

-----

This first edition is titled Protecting Your Computer and was inspired by something that happened in my house a couple of weeks ago. In this article I will go through the various programs and techniques I use to keep my computer safe when using the internet, and explain briefly what they do and why you need them.

But first, the setup. About a month ago, one of the computers on my network became infected with a trojan. Not a malicious virus type of trojan, but a simple, "less evil" one. Ironically, if it had been a worse type of trojan, the expensive virus scanner that is installed would have picked it up. As it was, this one managed to slip past due to its "medium" threat ranking.

Now as I said, this trojan wasn't particularly malicious. It didn't delete any files, steal any passwords or send itself to other computers. All it did was download. I have yet to discover what exactly it was that it was downloading, although I can only assume it was obtaining more copies of itself, because I found several copies of it on the system (a virus with a survival instinct, it seems).

As a consequence of the trojan's incessant downloading, it broke our 10Gb monthly usage limit in under two weeks. I found and removed the trojan just after this, but the damage had been done. I am now writing this using an appallingly fragile, dial-up speed "shaped" Broadband connection.

This is why I have not posted for several days - it is too painful watching the computer struggle to upload even the simplest of text posts.

So that is why I have decided to write this, the first edition of Geekin' It Up. I had actually planned to write about various other issues in this new feature, but they will have to wait. I shudder to think how my connection is going to handle such a large post, but the issue is an important one.

So, onto the real point of this article - the advice. Below I will outline several steps which I think every computer user should follow to protect their system (well, any Windows computer user anyway, Mac and Linux users can just sit back and chuckle at us for a while, if you so desire). These steps are basically in some kind of order of importance, although none should be left out.

1. Virus protection:

The first and most important thing any internet-connected computer needs is a virus scanner. Most computers do have a virus scanner installed (if you bought your computer pre-built from a shop, then chances are you have one), but many do not.

There are many options when it comes to anti-virus programs. Most will cost money (such as Vet or Norton), but there are free alternatives available, such as the Open Source ClamWin.

There is more to it than to simply have a virus scanner, however. Regardless of which program you choose, it will be next to useless if it is not updated. Update at least once a week. Most companies release new updates every one to two days, so there is no excuse to be out of date.

2. Firewall:

A firewall is a program which will block access to your computer from outside attackers. Generally speaking, firewalls will not block against virus attacks, only from direct access. Therefore, both should be used together.

Some of the larger security suites, such as Norton, come with a firewall built in, but many do not. A good free firewall is the free edition of ZoneAlarm.

3. Browser:

Most people do not even realise that there are other options for browsing the internet other than Internet Explorer. Well, there are. And all of them are better. It has been claimed by many that Internet Explorer is the slowest, most basic, and most unsafe browser available. It was because of a user on my network using Internet Explorer that the computer became infected earlier this month.

Therefore I offer some alternatives to the dreaded IE. All of these are free.

Firefox. The best browser available today. Firefox is open source (ie, completely free), does everything a browser needs to do, and is the most secure option around. Basically, it kicks IE's arse.

Firefox is both faster and safer than Internet Explorer. It has a built-in pop-up blocker, tabbed browsing, in-built Google search, in-built RSS reader, and is completely customizable. You can change the way it looks, what buttons you see and even what it can do through Themes and Extensions. It is a small download and can import all your IE favourites easily so you don't lose anything. It also works on Mac or Linux.

I can't recommend it enough - Firefox is by far the best web browser around.

*Note, this particular website looks and works best when viewed in Firefox (I know because I tested it), so now you have no excuse.

Opera. This browser was, until a few weeks ago, a pay-to-use program. Recently, however, they have decided to offer it for free. Personally, I don't think it is quite as easy to use as Firefox, although it has many of the same features (plus a few more). If, for some reason, Firefox doesn't float your boat, give Opera a try. It's not gonna cost you anything (anymore).

Many, many, others. There are countless other alternatives to Internet Explorer out there on the interweb, and most of them are free. Some examples include Flock (a "social browser"), and Camino (a Firefox-like browser optimised for Mac). A quick Google search reveals many options.

4. Anti-Spyware/Adware:

The trojan that inspired this post was picked up on our family computer, not by the expensive Vet Anti-Virus program we use, but instead by one of the free anti-malware programs I have installed over the years (in this case, Ad-Aware - see below). There are many bad, bad things out there on the internet that are not "viruses" (or virii, as it should be) in the traditional sense of the word. They may not want to destroy you, they just want to make your life a lot harder. These are collectively known as malware, and may include files that monitor what you do on the internet, steal your passwords, force pop-up ads at you, or many other evil deeds. I will outline some programs below to help combat these types of attacks.

Ad-Aware. This free program (or at least, the free version) is designed primarily to clean your computer of adware - files that try to deliver ads to you or take you to specific websites, etc. The basic, free, version of this program won't protect your computer per-se, it simply scans for and deletes adware whenever you tell it to. Simple and useful.

Spybot-Search and Destroy! This fantastically named program is designed to rid your computer of spyware (malicious files that "spy" on you). It also has an "immunize" feature, which will help to prevent new spyware from being installed on your computer. Again, this program is free.

Microsoft Anti-Spyware. I'm not usually a fan of Microsoft products, and I see this particular program as kind of redundant, because if Microsoft fixed the security holes in Windows in the first place, this wouldn't even be necessary, but anyway. It's free, and it does a good job, so I can recommend it.

5. File-Sharing:

I'm going to start this section with a disclaimer: I am not condoning the illegal downloading of copyrighted material. There, now that I won't be arrested, I can go on. Peer-to-Peer (P2P) networks are very dangerous places for a computer user to be. Files can be renamed to hide viruses, and more often than not you are letting people look at files on your computer and see your IP address.

Many "free" P2P programs install spyware and adware when you run them, and often leave files all over the place even after you remove them. I have found a few file-sharing programs which are safer than most if downloading is your thing. I will not go into too much detail, but Shareaza, Limewire and Azureus (a bittorent client - for more advanced users only) are all free and do not bundle any nasty extra stuff when you install them.

Regardless of which program you use, you must be careful when using them. Make sure to go into the settings and check exactly which folders on your computer you are sharing, and make sure nothing personal or important is in those folders. Turn off all options to allow other people to look at your files if the program will let you.

And last but not least, do not use any file-sharing program without PeerGuardian (or similar). PeerGuardian is a simple program which will run silently in the background and block certain people from accessing you. Record companies and governments have been known to put fake files onto the networks to try to stop downloads (you know those songs you get where it's just the first 30 seconds repeated over and over?) and other companies try to deliver adware or spyware through the files you download. An IP blocker like PeerGuardian can help protect against this.

-----

So that's the first Geekin' It Up. I hope you liked it. I will be writing more of these in the future about other things I might find interesting, such as new programs, tips and tricks with your computer, etc etc.

And when my internet connection revives itself (should be at the beginning of next month - a few more days), I'll return to more regular posting.

UPDATE: Thanks Tom for reminding me of Shields UP! (see the comments). Shields UP! is a site designed to quickly and simply show you how venerable your computer is to certain types of attacks including MSN spam, File-Sharing and direct access attacks. It also offers advice on how to fix any holes you might discover. It is an invaluable tool for those wishing to protect themselves on the internet.

One step closer to becoming a real website!

2005-10-26T13:00:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I've added a Google Search box to the top of the page. Yay!

This search box is fully functional, being able to search both The Cabbage Patch and the rest of the web, if that strikes your fancy. I will add, however, that the search seems only to point to the main page, regardless of what you search for (when searching this site only). Hopefully, this will be remedied shortly.

I will also say a quick apology regarding my lack of posts the last few days, but my internet connection has been buggered and I have thus been unable to post. I will explain further later today.

Ah... the smell of sweet, sweet retro...

2005-10-17T18:57:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Prince of Persia. Free. 'Nuff Said.

Update on Crazy Air Guitar Playing Hello Kitty Japanese Man!

2005-10-15T15:37:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

The last post on this here ~~scrap of toilet paper~~ website featured a video of a man dressed bizarrely and playing the air guitar. I didn't explain what it was all about, partly because I couldn't stop laughing long enough to do so, but mostly because I actually had no idea who he was or what the video was all about.

But I have done some research. I now know who he is and, more importantly, why he was jumping around looking like an idiot (still can't explain the Hello Kitty breastplate though, sorry).

That man was David "C-Diddy" Jung, the 2003 Air Guitar World Champion.

Now, in light of the fact that they are so hilariously funny, I bring to you two more clips of Air Guitar "champions".

This first one (click pic on right) is MiRi "Sonyk-Rok" Park, as featured on Late Night with Conan O'Brian. MiRi was the 2004 World Champion.

This second one is a clip of Dan "Bjorn Turoque" Crane who, whilst not a world champion, is listed as "noteworthy" in the Air Guitar Hall of Fame.

For more information about the exciting sport that is Air Guitar, visit airguitarusa.com .

Hahahahahahahahhahahahah.....

2005-10-14T16:54:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!

Just watch it... words cannot do it justice.

Flip Out, dude.

2005-10-12T18:53:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Whilst reading over the masterpiece of modern literature that is The Patch, i realised that I hadn't posted a game for your procrastinating pleasure in quite some time. So this here post is aimed to remedy that.

The game that you can see to the right is called FlipOut! It's very simple - drag your mouse over the white squares to make them disappear, drag over a blank space to turn it white again (plus some other stuff that happens at later levels). Try to remove at least 75% of the squares before the time runs out. Simple, but strangely addictive.

Falling, falling... two videos that prove Newton right.

2005-10-12T17:16:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

These two videos were left in a comment on my previous post by "Ryno" (kids these days with their silly internet names...) along with a request to "please post". So here I am, posting them. I'm too good to you guys, I really am.

The first shows, as Ryno puts it, "a bunch of guys who jump, or fall". It's fairly crazy.

The second is a clip from an Ice Hockey game/Boxing match. It's fairly ridiculous seeing the power (or lack thereof) that the three, yes three, umpires have to stop this from happening.

"It's not the East or the West side... it's the Dark Side"

2005-10-12T12:31:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

A while back regular reader Sam sent this to me, and it is absolutely hilarious. It's a rap about Star Wars, with animated characters rapping and dancing. Incredibly stupid, but oh so funny.

I also managed to track down the lyrics, because I couldn't get the song out of my head, so feel free to sing along to the video.

(Intro)
It's not the east or the west side.
No it's not.
It's not the north or the south side.
No it's not.
It's the Dark side.
You are correct.
Keep frontin' the Empire
To all you Vader-haters out there, we'll blow your planet up!

What is thy bidding my master?
It's a disaster, Skywalker we're after.
What if he could be turned to the Dark side?
Yes, he would be a powerful ally, another Dark Jedi.
He will join us or die.

We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
We got death star.(Death Star)
And you know that we got it.(Death Star)
And you know that we got it.(Death Star)

(Owen)
Luke, get your ass over here right now!
quit monkeying around with that Damned landspeeder
where are them two droids I asked you to clean, boy?
Have you cleaned your room?

(Luke)
Uncle Owen, I know I'm on probation,
I cleaned the droids,
can I go to the Hachi Station?
I gotta lay away on the power converter,
but now you treating me like a scruffy nerfherter.

(Obi-Wan Kenobi)
Luke, use the Force and run,
Run to Dagobah, Run to Dagobah,
Luke, use the Force and run,
Run to Dagobah, Run to Dagobah,

I'm Yoda,
I'm a solda,
I'll mold ya, and fold ya,
I thought I told ya,
don't be unwise judge me not by my size,
you wont believe your eyes,
watch the X-wing rise.

Yoda, why you being a playa-hata?
You know I must confront Lord Vader.

But Luke not ready are you.

But there's a city in the clouds where their keeping my crew,
a Jedi's gotta do what a Jedi's gotta do,
so now Vader, I'm coming for you.

That's right Artoo.
Set a new course
we're going to cloud city.
Ah. That's a mighty fine Gin and tonic
Why don't you mix me up another?

Impressive, now release your anger,
you must have sensed that your friends are in danger.
Ow! Why did you slice off my hand?
It's imperative that you understand.
Obi-Wan would never bothered,
to tell the truth about your father.
He told me enough, he told me you killed him!
Then there is something I must reveal then.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.
I'm your father.

Knock him out the box, Luke.
Knock him out.
Knock him out the box, Luke.
Knock him out.
Knock him out the box, Luke.
Knock him out.
Knock him out the box, Luke.

Mmmmm..... pie....

2005-10-11T15:56:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I just thought I'd share with you all some statistics concerning this website (thanks go to Tom for pointing this out to me). They're actually not interesting at all, but I like pie graphs.

This is the visitors to my site, separated by country. See, interesting.

For more stats, like which type of browsers visitors use or what resolution their monitor is running at, click here.

By the way, I've managed to make it past 2,200 visitors, which I'm quite happy about.

Who needs driving lessons when you can just watch this?

2005-10-11T15:43:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Tom (a regular reader and commenter) has sent me this funny little animation about driving in Italy. It is quite long, but very funny.

As usual, click on the pic to watch.

I'm singin' in the wickety-wickety rain...

2005-10-11T10:49:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

This was sent in by reader Max. It's a car ad, based on Singing in the Rain - with a modern twist. Very funny and very well made.

You will need the Quicktime Player to view.

Ahh... the memories...

2005-10-10T20:41:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I thought I'd share with you all some photos. This particular set (hopefully the first of many) is a collection of photos I took during the last day of Year Twelve at International Grammar School. Many (in fact, most) of my readers are (ex)students of IGS, so I thought you might like to see some of the pics.

Flickr

The original photos can be found here.

If you don't see anything above, you may need the free Flash Player.

Spank the Monkey!

2005-10-10T13:49:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Spank the Monkey! Spank the Monkey! Spank the Monkey!

It's a game. It takes about 5 seconds to play. It's fun. And it has a funny name.

Click the picture to play.

Bonjour Monsieur!

2005-10-10T10:48:00.000+10:00

Hello World

This little video was sent in by reader Sammy, and it is seriously weird. Click the picture to watch.

WARNING: It gets a little... um... adult oriented at the end.

Weddings, Bar Mitzvahs and Funerals.

2005-10-09T19:40:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I thought I would make my first post in the new Cabbage Patch about something that is related to me personally.

The Unnamed Band is the website of... well of The Unnamed Band, not surprisingly. This is, as reader James pointed out in a comment on the previous post, "the second coolest website on the net".

I only link to this because I'm named on it, naturally.

Welcome to the Cabbage Patch: version 3.0!

2005-10-09T16:29:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

"Some change now would be wonderful" cried The People.
"I think those people are right!" replied tom h-b.
"Dance monkey, Dance!" added Ryno.

Those were your demands, and upon those I deliver!

I present:

THE CABBAGE PATCH VERSION 3.0!
(Yay! Woot! Huzzah!)

If you were thinking "didn't he change the look of The Patch only a month ago?", then you'd be right. But this is more than a change in aesthetics. This is a change in the fundamental laws of Cabbage Patch Physics™!

Basically, I got sick of trying to prepare long posts with dozens of links and witty banter, because they just take so damn long to do. So instead, from today forth, I shall be posting one or two short posts a day with only one or two links and a short description. Not as much bang-for-your-buck, perhaps, but much more frequent.

As for the change in design (again), I was finding the blue a little bit too busy, dark and complicated. So I have instead chosen a simpler and cleaner layout with easier navigation (notice the small links at the top of the page to jump to the previous post or "home"?).

I did not design this, I stole it from here, but I would greatly appreciate your feedback as to how it looks and how you like the sound of the new site. And if you notice any bugs (broken links, pictures not loading, bits not lining up, etc) please tell me and I'll fix it up as soon as possible.

And remember to check back here often, as I'm hoping to be posting regularly (at least once a day, maybe more). If you'd like to easily find out when new posts are added, you can subscribe to my Atom feed using an RSS aggregator such as Google Reader or the Sage extension for Firefox. For more information on RSS and Atom feeds, see this Wikipedia article.

EDIT: I forgot to mention that the comment link has moved from it's old spot at the bottom of the post up to it's new home next to the post headline. Just roll your mouse over that little grey number at the top and you'll see a link to leave a comment.

Everyone loves a little change now and then.

2005-08-02T19:00:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

You may have noticed (and I'm assuming you have, seeing as it's fairly bloody obvious) that I have given The Cabbage Patch a bit of a face-lift. Slapped on a bit of paint here and there, re-tiled the roof, cleaned the bathrooms... that sort of thing.

So... do you like it? I'd love to know. No, really. If you have anything to say about the new look of the site, please leave a comment at the bottom of the post. Love it? Hate it? Think you could do a better job? Just clikety-click that there link down there and tell the world.

Now, I know I have been a little absent for a few weeks again, and really, I'm ever so sorry. But I am in a fairly busy time at the moment (as many of my readers can relate to), so forgive me. I have been collecting some time-wasters for you (which I'll get to in a sec), and I've given you this wonderful re-design of The Patch - what more do you want?

Now onto the good stuff, eh?

I stumbled upon this after a couple of hours of pointless web-surfing (no, really) and I got a little scared that it might, in fact, be true.
That was, of course, until I found Multibabel! This site will translate any text for you using the BabelFish program, just like many other sites do. Only this one does it five times, through five different languages, ending back in English again. The result? Take a look at the previous few sentences after going through this transformation:
It was to natural united MultiBabel! This tradu of the place he each possible text for the program of BabelFish, also like crowds one other to be used of the places. Only this a fact five times, of five diverse ones, final languages after in the English of silence.
Ever had an uncomfortable flight experience? Probably not as bad as this guy did.
I like the Ukulele, it's like the Mini-Me of musical instruments. This guy, however, obviously takes it very seriously. And he's good, too.
I have a thing for pirates. Don't really know why. It could be the spontaneous yells of "YAAARRRGGHH!". It could be the swashbuckling. Whatever it is, it seems as if someone else shares my passion, for they have made this excellent animation of two pirates dueling it out. Coincidently, it's called Duel. Funny, that.
Here is an absolutely stunning 3D panorama photo of Sydney Harbour, taken at dawn on Anzac Day (not by me, by a guy named Peter Murphy). You will need QuickTime to view it.
Like a good maze? Here's a billion of them. Go crazy.
I don't like this guy, mainly because he's right. The internet is shit.
I have no idea what this actually is, but it's really fun to play around with anyway.
I like the kid who wrote this, I really do. (thanks to Tim for the link)
One of the earliest links I posted on this here site was Push The Button (check the archives). Don't Let Go is essentially the same thing, only in this one the button moves.
This guy plays tetris. Lots. Probably too much.
Stop Emo Haircuts!
Infinite Flickr is a group of people on the popular photo sharing website Flickr who have set up a little experiment. They have created a movie of photos of people looking at photos of people looking at photos of people on Flickr. Click here to be utterly gobsmacked. (you will need QuickTime 7 to see this)
The FCC song, by Eric Idle of Monty Python fame, is a true work of musical art. A very, very strong language warning on this one.

Well there you go. Another exhaustive list of links to whittle away the hours with. If you have any links you'd like to share with the world, send 'em in to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com or leave a comment at the bottom of the post. New readers are encouraged to sign the guestbook (over on the side there... no, lower.... yes, right there.), and I'd like your feedback regarding the new look. Until next time (which won't be long, I promise), TTFN - Ta Ta For Now.

Two updates in a single week? What has the world come to?

2005-06-09T19:37:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

What happened to the good ol' days, huh? I can just barely remember a time when this here corner of the Interweb was updated more than once in a blue moon. Well, in an attempt to return to those glory days, I am now going to try to update with much more frequency than I have in recent times. This is only a small one, but hey - it's a start, right?

I found this picture hilariously funny, and thought you might to. (and before you write in to complain, I myself am Jewish - if I can laugh at it, so can you).

And this is a picture of a man with his head up his own arse. Just because.

'Orrible Cabbage - The world's most responsible adult.

2005-06-06T00:35:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I know, I know... it has been nearly two months since my last post. I know that the internet can be a boring place without my little pearls of wisdom, and I apologise to the people of the world for my absence.

I'm sorry.

Do you forgive me now? Well, if you don't yet, I'm sure you will after the mega-post I have in store for you today.

First up, some house keeping. I have only received a few votes for the inaugural Cabbage Patch Awards. That's in nearly two months. Come on people! I know that even if you only cast one vote each, I should have got more! I am disappointed.

I shall leave the voting open until the end of this month, and announce the winners at the beginning of July. So come on - you have a couple of more weeks to get your act together and pick the best that The Cabbage Patch has had to offer over the last year-and-a-bit.

Now, for those of you who don't know me, I had a birthday on Thursday. I am now 18 years old, which in this lovely big brown land means I am legally an adult. Just thought I'd share that and bask in the glory.

On a completely different note, I have also made a few minor updates to The Patch. Over on the side there you will see a new section labeled "Radio". This is a free service from Last.fm that creates a personal radio station based on music you choose and like. To listen to my station, simply sign up for the service and click the link in the sidebar.

I have also added a humorous banner to the bottom of the page which displays a random slogan every time the page is loaded. This is free from Sloganizer.net. To see the banner, scroll to the very bottom of the page. Hit refresh to see a new one.

Now onto the linkage. I have collected a fair few links over the last few weeks, and I have organised them into categories below. Enjoy.

Games:

The classic game of Tetris (without the iconic music, unfortunately)
A very strange game called Grow 3. Don't know how I missed the first two....

Videos:

A funny adidas commercial involving a pair of seemingly magical shoes.
A video from Molvania! This was Molvania's Eurovision entry last year "Zlad: Elektronik - Supersonik"
A very strange flash animation of a dude falling down a cliff. Appropriately named "Dude Falling"
An even stranger animation of a pig. Click the pig to activate.
An absolutely amazing animated video clip for Radiohead's "Creep". It's a fantastic song, but even if you hate it the clip is worth a look.
A video of some pretty nifty pool tricks.

Miscellaneous:

Pi to one million decimal places. Why? I have no idea.
Jimmy Dangles is The 2005 Australian National Air Guitar Champion! From the official Australian Air Guitar Championships (AAGC) website: "all evil things disappear from the world whenever people play the air guitar." Ahhh.... a truer thing has never been said.
In honour of the recent release of Star Wars: Episode III, here is a sample of people who take the Star Wars movies a little bit too seriously. Now, I am not usually one to laugh at others for their interests and hobbies, but... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Sorry, couldn't help myself.
I love a good pun, but these shop names are some of the worst and stupidest puns I've ever seen. Personal favourites include "Pizza the Action", "Paws for Thought" and "Spex Appeal"
A while back I posted a link to some seriously awful album covers. A favourite amongst readers was "Devastatin' Dave the Turntable Slave" with his album "Zip Zap Rap". Well I have found a site dedicated to our favourite anti-drug "cyberslave" featuring "Free MP3 downloads, CDs, Bio Info, Tour Dates, Lyrics and More!" Wow!
The world's smallest website. Featuring miniture versions of classic games Pac-Man, Pong, Asteroids, Breakout, Tic-Tac-Toe, and more.
NaDa - it does nothing for everybody!
The terror alert signs the US Government is planning to use, and what they mean.
An interesting way to look at the news.
Zombo.com!
The greatest competition known to man - The World Beard and Moustache Championships!
"You drink out of the toilet, you atavistic, dirt ball ingesting, squid whacking, cursed promoter of a space alien's romantic fling at the zoo!"
Hey Crackhead!
The World's Tellest Virtual Building. Again, I have no idea why this exists, but it does look pretty cool.

Well, that exhaustingly long post is all I have in me for today. Feel free to leave a comment, or send in your funny links to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com, and don't forget to vote for the Cabbage Patch Awards!

Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday to me....

2005-04-10T16:50:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I know, I know, you thought I was dead didn't you? Or at least in a minor coma?

I wasn't.

"Then why didn't you post anything new for two months?" I hear you ask.

Well the answer is simple - I'm lazy and couldn't be bothered.

I hope you can forgive me, because I'm back and The Patch will be as good as ever.

To start off this resurrection post I have a huge assortment of linky goodness.

This is a really tricky and confusing little game called Hapland.
A very tricky Image Puzzle game.
Hasemalphaginnojinglanaporphomism.
The classic DOS game Hexxagon - on the Web!
A baby that can't decide whether it is happy or sad.
The Fellowship of the Ring movie made with "Peeps" (which seem to be little marshmallow things). Check out Lord of the Peeps.
Visually search Amazon with amaztype. It really is quite cool.
Check out Google's latest offering - Google Gulp. (Is it a coincidence this came out on April Fool's Day?)
An updated version of the original Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy text adventure.
Watch out! You're downloading the whole internet!
I would take the lift.
It's Rainbow, the best kids show ever!
A funny ad from HP which begs the question - Where do deleted pictures go?
... and now a random fact about Vin Diesel.

Now that I've successfully wasted a few hours of your time, onto something a little more serious. As you may have noticed from the title, yesterday was the very first birthday of The Cabbage Patch! *YAY*

In order to celebrate this, I thought I would leave it up to you, the reader, to decide the best bits from the Cabbage Patch over the last year. And so I have created the inaugural

CABBAGE PATCH AWARDS!

That's right, I want you out there to vote for your favourite links, games, movies, whatever. If it was posted on this site, you can vote for it. I will accept votes by email at orrible.cabbage@gmail.com or simply leave a comment at the bottom of this post. This relies on you actually voting for it to work, so go look through the archives and pick your favourites!

I'll post again soon. TTFN - Ta ta for now!

Kiss a llama on the llama!

2005-02-14T22:05:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Happy Hallmark day! Yes, it's that time of the year when desperate young boys try to win the hearts of desperate young girls with cards, flowers or chocolate. Valentines Day, or as Darrell Lea, Hallmark and Roses Only like to call it - "The Only Day of the Year We Need to Work!".

But enough of the soppy lovey dovey stuff, and onto more important matters. Here's some more entertainment to keep you, well... entertained:

This is a French comedian who often performs Jackass-style stunts for television. This is a montage of some of his stunts called Rocky is Back, set of course to Eye of the Tiger from the film Rocky.
A nifty little game called Mep Ball!
A musical animation made entirely with the default windows noises. Quite impressive.
And.... The Llama Song!!!!!

A few more things before I sign off for today. I have had a request to do another one of my 'social commentaries' so to speak - so tomorrow I think I shall. Stay tuned for that. You may also notice that the commenting system has been overhauled - a pop-up box will appear to add your comments instead of the page you have been previously sent to and you may now sign your name to the end of your comments. No more "By Anonymous" for you thanks very much!

To end today's little post, I would like to leave you with an interesting fact:

A jiffy is actually a unit of time, 1/100 sec. (ie, really, really quick). This means that if you say you will be "back in a jiffy", you aren't giving yourself very much time.

Oh, and look what I made:

Yes, I am proud.

Welcome ta Tha Cabbage P-to-tha-izzatch.

2005-02-02T21:51:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Well, now that my holiday is over, it's back to the old routine of funny and interesting stuff to whittle the hours away.

First up we have some interesting digitally coloured WW1 photos. Quite interesting indeed.
This is a fun toy to play with if you have a digital camera. Load in a photo of your face, and this will morph your face into different styles. This will make you Asian, Afro-Caribbean, Caucasian, Manga, old, young, and many more. Try it out.
Heard the song "Lotion" by The Greenskeepers? It's the one that uses the lines from Silence of the Lambs. Well here is the slightly freaky video clip.
This is a very funny video of "Triumph The Insult Comic Dog" from the Conan O'Brian Show over in the States. In this, Triumph visits some Star Wars nerds as they wait to go see the new movie.
Here is an addictive little game where you control a canon wielding penguin. Why? I have no idea.
Fo all yo beotches who wanna find shiznit. That's the slogan for Gizoogle, a pimped up version of Google. This is my favourite site ever at the moment. I especially like Translizzle Some Text. This page translates anything you type into Snoop Dogg type language. Quite hilarious.
Here is some guy playing the Super Mario Bros theme on electric guitar. For no apparent reason.
And here's another guy doing fancy tricks with glass balls. Kind of like David Bowie in Labyrinth.

That's it for today. As always, leave a comment, sign the guestbook or email me at orrible.cabbage@gmail.com . I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from Gizoogle:

Aint no killin' everybody's chillin'.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

2005-02-01T11:54:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Well, I'm back! Yes, I'm back from my perilous journey through the untamed wilderness of the US of A. Just in case you're wondering, I did get back a few days ago - but I have been having problems preparing all of the photos and whatnot to post up here.

Anywho, my trip was great. We went to Los Angeles, Disneyland, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, San Francisco, Las Vegas, and a whole lot of other places.

We took over 300 photos during this trip, but I am only going to post a handful. Click on any link to see the photo.

Our first stop was a few days in Anaheim, where Disneyland is. Here is an interactive panorama of Disneyland's California Adventure Park (the new bit of Disneyland). During our stay in Anaheim we also did a tour of Los Angeles, including Hollywood and Beverly Hills. Along Hollywood Boulevard, we passed idiots dressed as Spiderman and Elvis. It was weird. We also spent some time at Universal Studios, where we saw and entirely fake street and an equally fake flooded Mexican village. The scary thing was that just a week before we were there, there were real floods throughout the area.

After all that we continued on to Las Vegas. I tell you, there really is no other place like it on Earth - a fact that we should be proud of. We actually stayed in Vegas twice - once to see the sights, then again for one night on our way back from The Grand Canyon. For the first few nights we stayed in a hotel called Circus Circus, where they have an indoor theme park and live, round-the-clock circus acts. Along The Strip, as Las Vegas Blvd is often called, we saw the dancing fountain at The Bellagio, the indoor canals in The Venetian, the zoo (complete with tigers, lions and elephant) in The Mirage, the spiral escalators in Caesar's Palace, the world's longest video roof at The Fremont Experience and The Blue Man Group in the Luxor. On our return, we stayed at Paris Las Vegas, which is - not surprisingly - a Paris themed hotel. The Paris included a 1/3 scale Eiffel Tower and an indoor Parisian boulevard. I just have one word for Las Vegas - WOW!

After the general insanity of Las Vegas, we headed for the much quieter Grand Canyon. Here is another interactive panorama.

We then spent a few days in San Francisco and did a tour of Alcatraz, before continuing on to Yosemite national park. Here is a picture of me looking like an idiot in snow for the first time.

After Yosemite, we headed down the Big Sur coast on our way back to LA. In one area of this coast is an estate known as Hearst Castle. Hearst Castle was a house built by William Randolph Hearst, the Rupert Murdoch of the 1920s and '30s. It is huge. I mean it is enormous. This is the outdoor swimming pool, complete with authentic ancient Greek pillars. Here are the two bell towers, which were each built twice. These are authentic ancient Egyptian statues - yes, 3000 year-old statues IN THE BACK YARD! Oh, and this is the indoor pool - complete with tiles made of pure gold and Venetian glass.

From there it was back to LA to catch the flight back home - where I am now.

Thank you for sticking with the site during my brief period of non-postingness. I will be back tomorrow with the good ol' funny linkage.

How Y'all Goin' Today, Folks?

2005-01-07T22:10:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I'm coming to you LIVE from the lovely US of A tonight, and boy is it HOT! Well, actually, it's not. It's cold. It's bloody cold. And wet. And dark. Basically, the weather here in Anaheim, California is bleak and miserable. But that's winter for you.

Weather aside, I'm having a great time. I've only been here for three days but it feels like it's been a month. So far, I've been to DisneyLand (twice - with up to three more days left on the ticket!), Universal Studios, Hollywood Boulevard (yes, that's the one with all the celebrity stars in the "sidewalk"), Graumann's Chinese Theatre (where all the celebrity handprints are) and Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills (where I saw a $52,000 gold, diamond encrusted watch). I have eaten far too much fast food, and drunk more Coke than I thought could possibly exsist.

I don't have enough time to write much more, but I shall try to check in in the next few days with more (possibly with photos!).

Please, e-mail me with any news or tales of fun-filled adventures that you think I may need to know, at orrible.cabbage@gmail.com

I'm off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of US...

2005-01-02T08:49:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I am terribly sorry for the lack of updates here (well, not terribly sorry, maybe just a little sorry), but I feel that I am entitled to a few weeks holiday here and there, don't you? Ok, obviously not.

But the point is that I am back today with the usual hilarity and time-wastingness, for the last time before I leave for America! I may, or may not, be able to update from the US (I don't know how civilised they are there - do they have the internet?) so this may be the last time you hear from me for a few more weeks - though hopefully not. Anywho, let the merriment ensue!

What is EPIC? This is a flash video sent back from 2014, explaining what has happened to the world's media.
Here is a fun little game called DR3i. Simply move the red dot using your mouse to collect all the tokens without hitting the walls.
Breakdancing Transformers!
A list, with captions, of the ten worst album covers of all time. My favourite? "Devastatin' Dave - The Turntable Slave"
A cute cartoon video clip, staring bunnies, for that classic TISM song - "Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me".

Well that's it for now, however I would just like to take a moment to talk to all the doubters. Yes, I mean you. Many of you doubted my claim that I had defeated the nigh-on-impossible game Balm, saying that it was just too hard. Well, I had won then, and now I have won again! And this time I have proof! I took a beautiful screenshot of the victory screen for you all to gawk at, and marvel at my godliness. Thank you, thank you, no really, thank you.

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Yes, I'm still alive...

2004-12-11T10:00:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I know, I know, it's been a while since you've heard from me, but believe me I have been busy. You may notice some of the fruits of my labour if you look down the right-hand side of the page. Yes, very good, you noticed the new Games menu. I have created a new dropdown menu of all the games that I have ever posted, from oldest to newest. Simply click the arrow and click on the name of the game that you want to play (it will open in a new window).

I have also found some new time-wasting links for you all, of course:

This is a very cool video of a British Beat-Boxer, named Killa Kella. WARNING: The video is very long (27 minutes) and requires Real Player to play. Do not attempt on a slow connection.
Troops is a funny spoof of the American TV show COPS, based on Star Wars.
This is a very difficult puzzle similar to a Rubix Cube, only much harder. It's called Magic Cube 4D.
Good ol' Table Tennis .
This is a puzzle game called Reflex, where you must bounce a ball to a goal using movable bats.
Stick Avalanche is a simple game where a stick figure must avoid getting hit by triangles falling on his head. Has some very nice Rob Dougan music in the background.
A very funny example of a stupid call to a radio station, just try and get past the thick Irish accents.

Well, that's it from me. I shall leave you with this rather funny picture I found a while back:

Time for what is long overdue....

2004-11-28T15:02:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Sorry for the lack of updates lately, but I have been extremely busy with my real life (yes, I have one). I have had a suggestion sent in to me to create a permanent games list in the side-bar to make it easier for readers to find previously posted games. I am working on this, but it is a time consuming process and proving a little more difficult than expected. If you have any further suggestions or would like to discuss developments to this site, feel free to post in the guestbook. Anyhoo, on with the linkage.

This is a rather stupid, and long, flash animation called How to Kill a Mockingbird. It really is stupid, but kinda funny as well.
This is an ad for Jerry Seinfeld's movie Comedian, which came out a few years ago. Very funny, and nothing to do with the film at all.
This is an audio clip from American comedian Pablo Francisco (I think). In it he discusses the guy who does the voices for movie trailers (I sense a theme), and Arnold Schwarzenegger selling tortillas, among other things.
This is an animation made almost completely out of ASCII characters (I love these things), set to Rammstein's Feuer Frei.
This is an amazing picture called ZoomQuilt. Click and drag your mouse up or down to zoom in or out of this seemingly endless hand-drawn picture.
A simple little game called Twins. You have to match up pairs of coloured balls by connecting them with lines. A lot more fun than it sounds.
I quote "Possibly the hardest test in the world". You've all seen those quizzes where you must guess which of two things is in the picture. Well this is kinda like that... only weirder.

Well, back to work I go... I hope these are as big a distraction to you as they were to me.

EDIT: I thought I might as well add this also. What do you get when you cross George Bush with John Kerry? This:

Important - All Americans must read!

2004-11-13T21:09:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

Below is a copy of an email I received. It is a letter from Britain to the United States of America. Very funny.

In the light of your failure to elect a human as President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Donkey Piss", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Donkey Piss". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns or lawyers. The fact that you need so many lawyers shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776). Thank you for your co-operation.

So there you have it. Personally, I believe that the US would be much better if something like that happened, but then again, the US would be much better if almost anything happened to change it.

Well, hope you enjoyed that. More tomorrow (hopefully).

Hear that? That's the sound of America's population screaming "What have we done?"

2004-11-07T16:22:00.000+11:00

Hello World.

I have not posted in a while, I know, and I am sorry. I was far too depressed about the state of the world to write. I am now simply waiting for the first space craft to take me off this planet and away from the stupidity of mankind. But enough of that... on with the linkage.

First up we have a game for all those old school gamers... LEMMINGS! Yes, that's right the entire Lemmings game, on the internet. Have fun... I know I will.
This is a very funny advertisement for the San Francisco Jazz Festival, thanks to Aleksei.
This is a bizarre flash game where you simply play around with magnetic letters. The only trick is... there are other people playing with the letters too.
This is the entire Star Wars Episode IV, done in ASCII characters. It truly is weird.
This is a very hard game where you must control a ball into the goal.
An online chess game where the computer opponent actually thinks about the next move it should make.
A ridiculously hard game called Nucleus. Read the instructions before play.
A very funny visual representation of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.
And lastly, some clips from a stand-up gig by Ricky Gervais (you know, David Brent from The Office). Clip 1, clip 2, clip 3, clip 4.

That's it for now, but remember as always, to hit the guestbook, leave a comment, or email me with any suggestions for the site, or simply to have a rant.

How in hell do they do that?

2004-10-24T10:43:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Another bunch of goods for you today, with not a speck of sanity between them.

First-up, it's those crazy Japanese again, with a video of yo-yo tricks. Just ignore the first 30-odd seconds of drunken Japanese teenage antics - it really is worth it to see what these kids can do.
Next, it's a video from the Red vs. Blue guys, teaching you the differences between the Internet and Real-Life. If you have not heard of Red vs. Blue before, they make movies using the X-Box game, Halo.
Seen the movie I, Robot? Well check out the trailer for what it was going to be like. Aye, Robot.
Fans of Triple J's Hack program will most likely have heard these before, but if not, here they are. The closet recordings of Alan Jones. WARNING: A very big bad language warning on these. That Alan Jones could swear the pants off a sailor (and probably enjoy it).

Well that's it from me for now. Remember to sign the guestbook if you haven't already done so, leave any comment you want using the link at the bottom of the post, or send your suggestions to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com

PS. Shortly after I initially posted this, I found this. Could someone please tell me why this exists.

WARNING: Gay man in shiny suit!

2004-10-18T20:53:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I know have been a little too political lately, especially considering this is supposed to be a light-hearted website, but I have just one more video on the subject of politics to share with you. Don't worry, it's actually really funny. I have also found some other assorted goodies for you so read on and get clicking.

First up, this is a video from CNN in America. It is a segment from a "debate show" in which two hosts, each from opposite sides of politics, argue about stuff and talk to people. In this segment they have a special guest, comedian Jon Stewart, who has quite the argument with one of the presenters. Funny stuff. (Simply choose your download speed from the list to watch)
This is just a quick video of a magic trick with cards. It's pretty cool. (And don't worry, you're not going crazy, that guy is speaking French)
This is a really bizarre movie of a Japanese kid playing one of those strange music arcade machines. Mozart he is not, but he's pretty damn good.
And lastly, my favourite video of the moment. It is a clip from the American version of Who's Line is it Anyway?, an improv sketch show. In this episode, the actors are helped out by a special guest appearance by Richard Simmons. Don't know who Richard Simmons is? He's the shiny one.

Well that's it from me for now, I hope you all enjoy these tasty treats. Feel free to make your mark on the guestbook (link on the right), and follow in the footsteps of such celebrities as the Prime Minister John Howard, or leave a comment using the links on the posts. And I am always willing and waiting for your suggestions for funny stuff you would like to see posted. More soon (I hope).

Wow! New feature!

2004-10-14T20:19:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have just added a fantastic new feature to this web-adventure of mine, known only as the Guestbook! This mystery of a device has many wonderful features, so go on, check it out.... maybe even sign it... you know you want to.

I agree.

2004-10-12T21:52:00.000+10:00

This is a picture that was sent in to me by Tom H-B. It was taken the day after the Australian 2004 Federal election on a street corner in Sydney's Redfern. I think it pretty much sums up the sentiments many people have regarding the awful result of this election, and it adequately represents the poor state our country is in politically. (For those who are unaware, the "Liberals" mentioned are the Liberal Party, a political party led by the Prime Minister John "Lying Rodent" Howard, who for some strange reason - despite lying to the Australian people, screwing over the environment and just being generally bad people - managed to regain power. They can be likened to the Republican party of the United States, or a steaming pile of turd (whichever takes your fancy). Click to enlarge.)

Politics, shmolitics...

2004-10-12T18:10:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

A faithful reader has requested these items be posted on here today, and I have to say that I wholeheartedly agree.

The first is a satirical advertisement starring Will Ferrel from Saturday Night Live and Old School. It is called White House West (Warning, the previous link is to a high-quality QuickTime version of the movie. Dial-Up users or others who may want a different version should use this link and choose from the list).

This other is a little closer to home. It is a quick little game on www.andrewwilkie.org, the website of Greens candidate Andrew Wilkie, who in the recent Australian election ran against John Howard in his seat of Bennelong (unfortunately he lost). Play the game here.

Thank you for those suggestions and I am always willing to publish any others, so keep them coming!

I'm Back!

2004-10-07T17:13:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

My sincere apologies for not posting in a while, however between end-of-year exams, having four of my teeth pulled, my dad's huge birthday party and simply trying to have a bit of a holiday, I haven't really found time. Due to overwhelming demand (one comment), I have decided to post all the little goodies I have found over the last few weeks.

First up, for some games (which I know you all enjoy):

A tough game called Reverse, where you must use your mouse to navigate a square through the level - but with one twist - your mouse is reversed! MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Another tough one where you must drive a car through a maze.
A strange game involving lots of quick clicking.
And my favourite game of the moment, bizarrely titled Not Pron. As this game is very difficult and relies on your problem solving skills, I'll leave it up to you to work out what to do.

And now for some other random links I thought you might enjoy:

A very funny movie where a guy with a camera decides to interview people at an anime convention. Seen Trekkies? This is worse.
A page about the time Pizza Hut asked the band Ween to make their new ads. Read the text then listen to both clips in order. Funny stuff.
And last but not least, this is what happens when crazy American girls are allowed to play god. I'm so glad it's only a game.

Well, that's it for now. If, as always, you have any suggestions for stuff you want posted here, e-mail me at orrible.cabbage@gmail.com or simply leave a comment right here on the site.

Before I sign off for today, however, I would like to draw your attention to the new links section at the bottom of the sidebar over there on the right --------->
This section is where I put my links that I would like to stay on here permanently, for you to enjoy whenever you like. Keep an eye on this section, as I update it regularly.

Yaaarrrggg! Shiver yer timbers and Buckle yer Swash!

2004-09-19T15:07:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Let it be known that today, the 19th of September, is International Talk Like a Pirate Day! So get off yer arses and scrub the deck, me hearties!

Ye may find the official web page for this idea at www.talklikeapirate.com and discover the wonders of sailing the high seas, or ye may take a piratey quiz to learn what yer pirate name be (mine be Black Davy Flint, arrrgg!).

There also be a newspaper article about this, here.

Now I must be off, land-lubbers, there be treasure to be plundered!

Squares, Rectangles and Mullets

2004-09-18T10:25:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have some interesting things for you today. Two of them are games and one of them is... well I don't really know how to categorise it.

First up, the games:

Squares 2, a challenging game in which you have to avoid the red squares and collect the black ones. Challenging, yet addictive.
Gridlock is a puzzle game where you have to try and release a rectangle from a gridlock of other rectangles. It's pretty self-explanatory, but its also very, very hard.

And finally, this weird site about mullets. It is strange, but it's also very funny. Thanks to Max Ryan for sending me this one.

It's a conspiracy, Scully!

2004-09-12T14:10:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

The SECOND link I posted for that Pentagon video has been removed due to "too many complaints". I think this is codswallop. I think the bloody American government do not want this video seen, but dammit, I'm not going to allow it to be hidden! So here it is for the third time.

That Pentagon video that nobody wants you to see.

Just like last time, I will change the previously posted links, so you can still access it from those.

Web Browsing Redefined

2004-09-11T11:36:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

If you haven't heard of Mozilla, well then... now you have. Mozilla is an open-source project designed to make the internet an easier thing to use. Being open-source means that it is completely free, and that anyone who is interested can change the program, add to it, or totally remake it. What this means for you, however, is that there are heaps of free things for you to use.

Recently, Mozilla released a new web-browser called Firefox. Firefox works the same way as Internet Explorer or Netscape, only better and with extra features. Some of these feature include pop-up blocking to keep away those annoying ads, tabbed browsing (meaning you can keep multiple pages open in the same window), and Google search right from the toolbar.

If you are not already using Firefox, you should be.

But the best thing about Firefox is the extensions feature. Extensions are programs designed by users that add something to Firefox. These could be anything from changing the way it looks, adding a toolbar, or simply adding a single setting. I have discussed some of my favourite extensions below:

Gmail Notifier - This extension puts a small icon into the lower-right hand corner of Firefox and pops up a message when you receive a message into your Gmail inbox, much the same way MSN messenger does for Hotmail. (must have a Gmail account for this to work)
FoxyTunes - This extension allows you to control your music player from within Firefox. It puts a small icon in the lower-right hand corner which expands to show player controls. You can select almost any music player from the included list, including Windows Media Player, iTunes and Winamp.
RadialContext - This one changes your right click menu into a radial one. It is a little confusing to use, but when you get used to it can make navigating much easier.
Super Drag'n'Drop - This extension allows you to "drag" any link to anywhere on the page to open it in a new tab. It makes opening new links much quicker and easier if you are opening many at once. You can also "drag" any picture to save it to your computer.

So, what are you waiting for, go get Firefox now!

Damn spooks!

2004-09-11T10:51:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

The site that I linked to for that pentagon video has been shut down (bloody FBI), and so I have found a new link for the video. The original link has been updated, so you can still find it there, but here it is again, just in case .

It makes you think....

2004-09-06T18:03:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

A faithful reader, Max Ryan, has sent me something he would like to show the world. If you would like to do the same, email a link to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com

The following flash video is an alternative view to the events that occurred at the Pentagon on September 11. It may be a little extreme, but it certainly offers some interesting points - and it's good to see a viewpoint other than the fear-inducing, propagandist American media once in a while.

You will need flash player to view this video.

Welcome to the inner sanctum...

2004-09-04T22:27:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

As you may have noticed, I use a Google based e-mail address, known as Gmail (orrible.cabbage@gmail.com). Gmail is a web-based e-mail service much like Hotmail, only it offers 1000MB of free e-mail storage as opposed to Hotmail's 2MB. For more information click here.

Gmail is still in beta-test mode, meaning it has not been released to the public yet. This also means that those people lucky enough to get access can pick from almost any e-mail address they like, and make direct contributions to how the service is run.

As an early user of Gmail, I have been given 6 free addresses that I may give out. So I have decided to give them to you, my faithful audience. If you would like one of these rare addresses so you can hold as much e-mail as you like, or simply to brag that you've got something no-one else has, simply send your full name and current e-mail address to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com The first six to do so will be sent an invitation to join the exclusive club that is Gmail.

Some fun stuff to keep you entertained...

2004-08-28T16:46:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have a small assortment of goodies for you today, and we all like goodies, don't we?

To keep you all in that Olympic fever, I have for you a cartoon showing what could go wrong at the Olympics.
Here is a page of stupid and funny things said in court.
Everyone likes to dance the Robot, don't they? Well, these guys certainly do.
And at last, a game! In this one, a cartoon Panda shoots at giant flowers! Yay!

Well, I hope you enjoy my little bag of fun. And don't forget to send any suggestions to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com

Musical Balls

2004-08-21T14:40:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have discovered a funny video involving a man playing a piano with his balls. (Don't worry, it's entirely safe, and not nearly as disgusting as you might have thought).

I can't wait for the future.

2004-08-14T12:49:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

The future is looking to be an amazing place. Many new technologies are just around the corner, including Quantum Teleportation, Direct Methanol Fuel Cells, Nanotechnology, Flexible Displays, Plastic Electronics, Software Radio, Holographics and 3D Displays, and my personal favourite - Optical Camouflage:

Invisible man? Well, not really. The University of Tokyo's invisibility cloak uses optical camouflage to make the wearer blend into the background like a digital-age chameleon. Shown in May at the NextFest future tech gathering in San Francisco, the cloak is fitted with tiny light-reflective beads. Cameras on the front transmit the image to the back through the beads, making the wearer appear transparent. The military has shown some interest, but we can think of some applications around the house when trying to get out of doing the chores.

Above is a snippet from an article in The Sydney Morning Herald. The full article is here.

The Optical Camouflage technology is explained here, along with some video demonstrations (scroll down to find videos), but basically it uses cameras to photograph the surroundings, then transmits that photo onto the surface of the "invisible" object. Here is a quick example movie.

I think that if these technologies really do come to be, then the potential devices are limitless (think an invisible wristwatch which doubles as a mobile phone/mp3 player and can display 3D holographic images). One of these devices is already available - it's called mp3blue, and it's a jacket which has an integrated mp3 player, with controls on the sleeve.

Now all we need is a hover-board.

Wow... Just wow!

2004-08-14T12:19:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

There is no easy way to explain this, so I wont try. I will simply say this... some people really need to get a life.

Ahh... the beauty of cartoon bunnies...

2004-08-12T19:30:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

These have been around for a while, but I thought you would like to see them anyway. They are all of your favourite movies in 30 seconds! (and performed by bunnies)

While you're in the mood for silly cartoons, here's that all time classic BadgerBadgerBadger!

Bloody Google

2004-08-11T19:47:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

As one of my readers pointed out today, my site has been removed from Google's site list. I don't know what I did to offend them, but it seems Google is trying to hide the wonder and glory that is The Cabbage Patch from the rest of the unsuspecting world.

It is truly a sad, sad thing that the general public will have to live without my little kernels of intellect, and remain in ignorance. Shame. Shame...

Hee hee hee, singing dictators....

2004-08-08T14:41:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have come across a very funny video called Hitler the disco-führer. The name speaks for itself really. It might be deemed a little inappropriate for some, but it really is funny.

Like a challenge?

2004-08-08T14:33:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have come across what I consider to be the world's hardest game. No, really, it is insanely difficult. It's called Balm, play it if you want to be humiliated by a computer whilst having your brain beaten with a jack-hammer. It's that hard.

Game of the Week!

2004-07-31T17:24:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Here is this week's GotW.

First up I have a game about wasting time at work. You throw balls of paper into a rubbish bin, by first clicking to catch the ball, then letting go to throw it.
I also have a game based on those '80's arcade games where you control a tiny little plane and have to stop a seemingly endless horde of alien planes. This one is for some reason called Hurricane, although I'm yet to find out why.

Well, that's all I have for this week's games, however because I have been so slack and not posted anything entertaining this week, I thought I might put two little bonuses on the end of GotW.

I have for you an oldie but a goodie, the one and only insanity test!
And, who doesn't like pointless dancing puppets?

So, I hope these satiate you until I have a chance to provide another few seconds of entertainment.

Game of the Week!

2004-07-25T10:44:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I'm very sorry that this week's GotW is a day late, but I couldn't help it, I was fighting maniacal geniuses from my bat-cave all day yesterday and didn't have time for anything else.

So onto GotW! This week I have two fun little games for your gaming pleasure.

This first one is a game involving bubbles. You control a bubble in the water and you have to collect more bubbles. Trust me, it's more fun than it sounds. (remember to turn on your speakers because this game has some good music.)
The second game involves falling down. In fact it's called Fall Down.

Well that's it from me for the moment. Please please please send in your suggestions for GotW, or anything else you might find interesting and wish to share with the world, to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com.

Kenya Believe It?

2004-07-23T22:24:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

That all time favourite cartoon, Kenya, has been given a sequel. Yes, that's right a sequel. So, if you would like to see Kenya - Live, click here.

WARNING: This video contains explicit images of people acting like idiots in stupid costumes. If you are offended by videos of people dancing, you are weird, so don't watch it.

Really funny video....

2004-07-21T19:17:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have come across a strange video of a Frenchman with bicycle horns all over his body. Well, you'll get it when you see it.

Optically Illusioned!

2004-07-20T18:11:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have found a very strange optical illusion for you. If you look at this picture, it will seem as if the "almonds" are moving, when in fact they are not. (below is a scaled down version of the picture, the original is here)

I don't know how to explain this, it's just so cool.

Really stupid....

2004-07-20T08:46:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have found some websites that fall solely into a "stupid beyond words" category. They are sites promoting a "virtual life" as I like to call it. Here are just a few.

There are many more of these incredibly useless and stupid websites out there in the great expanse that is the WWW. But every single one of them leaves me wondering "why?"

Holy Crap. Lions!

2004-07-19T18:04:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Here is a little animation about Kenya. I don't quite know what it is that makes this funny, but I can't help but laugh.

GoogleWhack

2004-07-19T11:59:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

In addition to this site being found by Google, if you put "quotation marks" around the words orrible cabbage, you will find that my lovely name is in fact a GoogleWhack. A GoogleWhack is when you put a search query into Google, and receive only one result. Seeing as Google has billions of Websites in it's database, these results are fairly rare.

I'm on Google!

2004-07-19T11:11:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have finally been found by Google! If you type in "The 'Orrible Cabbage" into Google's search box, this website comes up first! I feel so proud!

My Apologies

2004-07-19T10:55:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

A previous post on this site used to link to a song by Eric Schwartz. Recently, the link I had used for this song disappeared and instead linked to a website of an extremely inappropriate nature. I sincerely apologize for this. I have deleted that link, and you may now find the song here (simply scroll down for a range of format options).

WARNING: I must warn again that this song does contain some rude lyrics and inappropriate language.

Game of the Week!

2004-07-17T12:52:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Sorry that I haven't posted anything for nearly a week, but I just haven't had anything interesting to say (shock-horror!). But look, now I can make my words different colours! Oh the power of technology!

So, here is this week's GotW! (or rather, this week's three games of the week!)

This first one is a simple game where you have to see how far you can kick your head. It's called GET-A-HEAD .... Oh the wit!
The next one is a strange little game where you have to keep a soccer ball in the air with you mouse, whilst an over-enthusiastic Japanese man encourages you in the background.
Last but not least is an extremely hard game called Soap Bubble involving a bubble in a maze. I can't get past the second screen, that's how hard it is.

Well, anyway, enjoy these. Hopefully next week will provide more to talk about.

Some people have too much time on their hands.

2004-07-12T18:40:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have recently come across a really strange video. It is a scene involving Spiderman and Doctor Octopus from the movie Spiderman 2. Only it's made entirely from lego. Yeah.

You can find this video here. BEWARE! This video is a rather large file, and only available via streaming QuickTime, so you will need a fast internet connection to view it (or wait a really long time).

As I said in the title, some people really do have too much time on their hands. And too much lego, obviously.

Game of the Week

2004-07-10T11:10:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

This section should be called Games of the Week, as this week I have FOUR GAMES for you to mess around with.

The first is a silly little game sent in by Tom H-B called Wack-Man. This game is a version of Pac-Man, only the little yellow circle is replaced by a "schizophrenic homeless man".

This one is a game I found which involves hiding noodles from an "hysterical girlfriend".

This game is a very strange game involving four paddles, a ball, and a mysterious voice. You'll have to play for a while and listen to the voice to fully understand the weirdness of this game.

Lastly, my favourite game of this week, a very well animated and slick-looking 3D game where you control a marble around a huge level, called SlickBall. The instructions are all in German, so here's what I have been able to determine: use the arrow keys to control the ball, space bar to stop, and try to collect the pink diamond thingys. (WARNING: this is quite a large game and may take a while to load, dial-up users should attempt at their own risk)

Well, that's it from me for the moment. I hope you enjoy these great games, and keep any suggestions coming in to orrible.cabbage@gmail.com.

Interesting

2004-07-08T19:32:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have come across an interesting site which will convert your images to text. Don't ask me why you would want to do this, but the resulting images do look quite cool.

Can't we all just get along?

2004-07-07T11:51:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

It has come to my attention that many companies, mainly Sony and Apple, have decided to launch large capacity music players and online music stores to accompany them. I think this is a great idea, because it allows consumers to legally download a track they like, without having to purchase the whole album, and then legally copy it to their music players.

These services have huge potential for music companies, bands and consumers alike, but there is one problem. Each company is offering products that are incompatible with all other products. For example, Apple's online music store can only be accessed through Apple's iTunes program, and the downloaded songs are in AAC format, which is supported by only a few players (one of which is Apple's iPod).

Recently, Sony have announced an online music store to be launched worldwide soon, and an accompanying series of Walkman portable music players to go with it. Again, there is one problem. The Walkman, Sony's new NW-HD1 (which contains a 20GB harddrive, is the size of a credit card, and could be a serious contender for the iPod), can only play one type of digital music file, called ATRAC. And guess which format Sony's online store sells? That's right, good ol' ATRAC.

So basically, if you want to buy music from Sony, then you need their player to listen to it. And if you want their player, you're going to need to buy your music from Sony. It's a vicious trap which many consumers will unwittingly fall into.

So I pose a question to Apple and Sony. Why not design your products for universal appeal?

Does Sony not realise that whilst they think they are promoting the sale of their products, they are in fact forbidding owners of existing MP3 players from buying Sony's music online? The same applies to Apple, although a FEW other companies do support their AAC format.

When Apple released their Music Store in the US, it soon became obvious that something had to change. It occurred to Apple that because their store was only accessible to users of iTunes, it was, in turn, only accessible to owners of a Macintosh computer. Apple quickly remedied this by making their iTunes program available to PC owners, for a free download.

So it seems that Apple are prepared to compromise a little when it means that they will broaden their market. Now we shall just have to wait and see if Sony are smart enough to do the same.

If you would like some more information on this topic here are some articles that may interest you.

An article from The Sydney Morning Herald

An interesting article from Winamp.com

Opinionated Rhetoric

2004-07-06T14:59:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Sorry to deviate from this site's usually light-hearted tone, but I have to get this off my chest.

SHUT UP YOU BLOODY WHINGEING BUNCH OF STUPID FOOLS!

Yes, I'm talking to you, politicians of Australia. Yes, I'm talking to you, members of the press. Yes, I'm talking to you, anyone one who cares at all about the past antics of a boring bunch of old men.

What I am referring to is of course the useless dirt that is being thrown around by all sides of politics at the moment, in an effort to disgrace or shame someone or other.

Unless you've had you head stuck in a freezer for the past few weeks, you would have noticed that the residents of Parliament House seem to have been doing nothing but digging into each other's past, and flinging vague rumours back and forth. I have one piece of advice to those in power:

NOBODY CARES! NOBODY EVER CARED! NOBODY WILL EVER CARE! SHUT UP AND GET ON WITH YOUR JOB!

That's right, shut up and get on with running the country! If you really need to win voters, how about coming up with SOME POLICIES THEY MIGHT LIKE! Tell the people what they want to hear from a good future government, not some crap about blokes hitting each other years ago.

This election campaign, from both sides, seems to be more about making the other guy look bad, rather than actually being any good at politics.

I, of course, blame reality TV.

Ahhhhhhhhhh.... it feels good to have got that off my chest.

This one's just weird

2004-07-03T16:54:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

I have no words for this one, you'll just have to see for yourself. But be careful, it can make you dizzy.

Very, very, very, very funny!

2004-07-03T15:53:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Read this, it's funny. And very quick considering these images have only been out for two days.

That's all I have to say for now, good-bye.

Game of the Week

2004-07-03T12:34:00.000+10:00

Hello World.

Welcome to the inaugural Game of the Week! To open up this section, I thought I would be nice and give you THREE games to waste your time with. Yes three! But don't get used to this, because I will not be so generous every week.

The first game this week is a stupid little game involving snail racing. You can play it here. It's a little hard to begin with, but once you get used to it, it can be very fun. My highest rank is 598th. You can probably do better, because I only tried once.

The second game is a fun Whack-a-Mole type game, called Tontie. You use your numpad on your keyboard to hit little aliens with a hammer. Need I say more?

The third and final game in this initial offering is a promotion for the PC game Splinter Cell. It's pretty stupid and immature, but that's what we like around here.

(Warning, you may need to install Flash Player or Shockwave or stuff like that to play these, but try them first to see)

I hope you enjoy this brand spankin' new section. If you have any suggestions for improvements to this site, or some games I should include in this section, either leave a comment at the bottom of the post, or e-mail me at orrible.cabbage@gmail.com (here, if you are using outlook or another e-mail program).